Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My Aptitude test results say 'Drug Lord'?


I really suck at this whole blogging thing. My friends who also blog post like everyday... sometimes multiple times a day. But screw it... I like to keep people guessing. Don't have any expectations from me anyway - I'm really not the most consistent person in the world.

Last night my temporary roommate had a date come over so I was banished from the apartment... Enter korean bbq, box of wine, board games, and crews and tango's.

There is nothing better than having the meat sweats and playing a game called 'Grass'... which is all about being a drug lord and building a weed empire. Obviously I was a natural... Due to my cuthroat business practices, my preternatural ability to intimidate and lie, and the fact that I look like I could pass for South American. After Grass and three quarters of a 4 litre box of wine we played a game called 'What'... which is kind of like Balderdash but you make fun of your friends instead of make up definitions. Way better.

Ever wondered who in your group of friends you might want to bone? Would never bone? Has a very disturbing kinky side? Then a box of wine Then 'What!' is for you.


On the way home we had an unplanned stop into Crews and Tango's for a drink. This was my first visit after its relaunch last Friday. The place looks the same... dim lighting, minimal decore, and an abundance of drag queens. Although now it has 'Restaurant & Bar' added to its name. Restaurant? What could they possibly serve? Who would eat there? I don't think I could ever be hungry enough to eat at crews. Drag queens don't generally inspire an appetizing atmosphere. I dunno... maybe it's just me.


Friday, March 19, 2010

St. Paddy's Day Follies and Other Random... but inspired... Musings


I have not written on this thing since November 25, 2009. I would like to say it's because I was so busy doing amazing things and exciting projects... truth is I am very very lazy.

But I am currently on a caffeine spurred upswing so here you go.

This past week St. Patrick's day took place... this is a very special day where white people get crazy inebriated and wear green. I'm not sure why this day exists historically... or the religious significance; however, does it really matter? Does anyone know? I am neither irish or a fan of wearing green (it makes me look pasty), but this has never stopped me from making a complete ass of myself on this day (Side note: It's also my Dad's bday! Happy Birthday Dad! Sorry bout the gay thing... I'll make it up to you and be successful... North American successful... Or if that's not enough I'll have a sham marriage to a female Arabic cousin of your choice)

So... directly after work I had to head over to the custom T-shirt store on Yonge just south of Wellesley (I am currently in love with the guy who works the front counter... He is straight... and adorable... and potentially hilarious - he DOES work at a funny shirt store... I love the unattainable) in order to get a shirt that would make my friends laugh and make me feel included in the pasty celebrations. After this I went home for a healthy meal - I consumed an entire Large Pizza... this is what eating salad for lunch gets you... Honestly - it makes me HUNGRIER. So I get home and binge. Healthy Living.

On to the house party. Beers. Tequila. 30 homos. I was pleasantly surprised to see a wide array of ethnic minorities there. All of them being equally disincluded as I... Drunk white people love standing in circles. Somehow I can't manage to infiltrate these circles - and the minute I do they mysteriously disband. Either way, St. Paddy's day seems to be the melting pot of Holidays.

Things about Ireland I like:
Potatoes
Fiddles

Things about Ireland I dislike:
Leprechauns
River Dance
The high incidence of Gingers

Things about Ireland I don't understand:
Blarney Stone (wtf is that?!)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I've got a case of the Montueswednesdays

You guys know when you hit your late twenties... and you have a job... and you're done school... and you stop getting hammered Monday-Thursday.

I don't either.

Enter Tuesday Boozeday.

1 regular bottle of wine + 2 extra large bottles + a box of wine = the reason why I am staring at the wall in my office most of the day. Willing myself to stay awake.

The intention was not to get ridiculous - it was supposed to be a quiet night in playing Cranium with K-Jew, Dj Kever, and Glen - rock 3000; however, on my way over I received a text saying 'Bring wine'. Foreboding...

In addition to the big as* bottle of wine I brang everyone else seemed to have received a similar message. So Cranium started off as planned... but quickly disintegrated in favour of playing 90's jams, smoking on the balcony, singing Glee tunes at a very loud volume, and of course.... Dance Party USA.

I'd write more but I just received intel that our VP at work is cracking down on productivity levels... and though I WOULD consider this productive... I have a sneaking suspicion he would not agree.

Till next time.

Ummm... Amazing!

Okay my little 80's kidz... I know you're going to love this one!!!

Muppets... Queen... Headbanging... This is the bombiest.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgbNymZ7vqY


(watch for the 3 minute markish... Janice... my fave comes out then)

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

This one goes out to the one I love...

It's Christmas season... a time of giving... a time to reflect on one's life... so naturally I am thinking about the things/people that are important to me.

This is a post for a certain special someone who truly lights up my life. Every morning you greet me, bring a smile to my face, and set the tone for the rest of my day. This is priceless.

If you don't know who I am talking about by now (though I think it is fairly obvious)... This one goes out to my lover/friend/confidant... the breakfast sandwich. I just really need to let the world know that you are the one. I've flirted with the idea of committing to other edibles... Sushi was a passing fancy... Perogies - summer fun was all you were... Chili - well we had fun, but it was truly destructive (particularly after I left your prescence).

But oh my darling breakie sandz... I will never tire of you. I love the way look, smell, and taste. Your perfectly toasted buns, fluffy egg, cheese, and crispy bacon OR greasy sausage OR delectable ham - well you had me at hello my friend. You had me at hello.

If you feel the same way about me - meet me at the McDonalds in the underground on the corner of bay and richmond tomorrow at 9:15 am, I'll be the guy wearing a suit holding a bouquet of roses. Please make me the happiest man on Earth.

Monday, November 23, 2009

This is what I think of you: Adam Lambert


Dear Adam Lambert,

You are an american idol alum, gay icon, relatively wet behind the ears to the recording game, and an eyeliner connoiseur. I have some things to say to you.

Adam... I just finished watching your American Music Awards performance on youtube ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9fATzGwFJY ); I have mixed feelings. I read that there was some controversy about the overtly sexual stage choreography (see: smashing a dude's face into your crotch, grabbing one of your female back up dancers cooters, and facially assaulting your keyboardist... with your face?); however, this is not what made me feel awkward about your performance. Sexually explicit... go for it... I tend to like sexually explicit.

What made it so gawd awful was the singing. Don't get me wrong; you've got a helluva set of pipes on you. I like your voice. But the scream/sing thing you do in place of real lyrics - small doses my friend. The last minute of your stage show was painful... literally... it hurt my ears.

I watched the season of American Idol you were on. You should have won. That Kris dude was vanilla ice cream at best... pleasant enough but meh. You were inventive, cool, and sexy. You made that noise I have come to hate a few times - but it was refreshing after watching that crooked mouthed quaker warble his way through some predictable adult contemporary jam.

So... for me... and all those who possess the ability to hear (there are lots of us!)... tone it down a tad vocally... Also in the eye makeup dept... if you have some time... if it's not asking too much.

Malicious

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Bad Romance Video

Hmmm... Amazing. This girl just continues to destroy the competition. Bringing theatrics back to music in a big way... A little bit of Bowie, a little bit of Mercury... Check it out

http://cache.umusic.com/web_assets/ladygaga/site/badromance/default.html