This or that: Britney Spears vs. Taquitos

Britney Spears

Britney Spears... there was once a time when I thought you could possibly pull off the whole 'Next Madonna' thing. You could dance, you were sexy, and that voice! I don't think anyone's voice has ever been digitally enhanced like yours. Go Technology! It all seemed destined to be - you would ascend to Stardom while Christina Aguilera was heading to Cyndi Lauperdom.

But here's the problem. You got fat. You married that guy... Kevin Federswine? Kalvin Freidermine? You married that other guy for like a day. Cooch shots. Shaved head. You served Chicken fingers at your wedding. Ouch. All of that pop cred you had built up was trashed.

Now you're back, and you're lookin aight, the music - it's not bad. One thing though - Her name is Lady Gaga. I'm not sure you'll ever have the right to call yourself the princess of pop again while LG is still alive. Don't get any Tonya Harding kinda ideas Brit - Tonya ended up on celebrity boxing. Which now I that I think about it - I can totally see you doing in a few years.

Musically - Although I like to think I am hip and cool and would pretend never to like anything you've done (as would a lot of other people I know... liars, all of you)... that would be a fabrication. Toxic was the shiz. If you seek amy... guiltily delicious. Crossroads? Well, you can't win em all Brit.

Taquitos

Ever been to the 7-11? I have. A lot. If you are a convenience store connoisseur there is no doubt you have come across a little delicacy called the 'Taquito'. They are on the metal rolly things right next to the hot dogs (never order the dogs dude... just get the street meat).

Taquitos are greasy, full of empty calories, and above all - Scrumptious. They come in a variety of flavours including Buffalo Chicken, Jalapeno Cream Cheese, Beef Taco... and more! Two for just over 2 bucks. What a steal!

These treats are especially handy in a situation like when you bring salad for lunch in an attempt to curb your gradual weight gain (you don't make friends with salad... btw), and then inevitably two hours later you are starving again... Down to the 7-11 for a snack time! This happened to me today. Also yesterday.

Advantage: Taquitos. Any snack with that much cheese is a staple my friends. While Brit - she's just cheesy.

This or that: Natalie Portman vs. Reusable Grocery Bags

Natalie Portman

Born on June 9, 1981 (5 days after me in the same year! Gemini's rule) - Natalie gives young hollywood that touch of class it so often lacks.

This girl has it all... looks, brains (Harvard Degree Y'all), charm, and a rockin sense of humour (the funny or die videos she does with Rashida Jones are hilarious).

Talented? You bet! Closer... The Professional... V for Vendetta... Star Wars? Queen Armadillo? I don't think I will ever understand this choice. Why not leave the crap for the poor man's version of you Natalie? Are you listening Johansson and Knightley? Then there is Garden State - you made me shoot pop out of my nose when you told Zach Braff's character ' I can't believe you're not retarded!'.

Also - you can rock a shaved head like nobody's business. Hot.

Reusable Grocery Bags

The Environment. It's so hot right now. Literally. Icebergs melting and sh*t. Won't someone please think of the Polar Bears?! Sobey's has (and most other grocery stores). Let's save the ozone layer one meal at a time.

For those of you who live outside of Toronto, we Torontonians have had to pay a nickel everytime we go shopping and require a plastic bag. A nickel PER bag. If you are like me and you end up shopping almost everyday because you have no foresight or planning skills - this adds up. So not only do reusable grocery bags save the environment, but they are cost effective in the long run... right? Wrong.

If you are not over the age of 45 - you never bring one to the store. It's not that we don't have these bags, we have oodles in our closet/drawer/cupboard. That is not the problem. The problem is that we do not plan our day around going grocery shopping - it just happens. So not only do I pay a nickel each time I go shopping for a bag - my loft is also slowly being taken over by these reusable bags. Ever open your closet and have an as*load of used-to-be pop bottles in bag form come crashing into your face. Sound familiar?

Advantage: P-p-p-Portman! She's just so perty!

This or that: Nirvana (the band) vs. Vacuum Cleaners

Welcome to a new Thursday special... From now on I will be posting 'This or that' on Thursdays, 'What I think of you' on Tuesdays, and bulls*it the rest of the time. This or that is an in-depth (questionable) comparison of two people/groups/things/places, with one coming out on top.

Nirvana: Famous grunge rock pioneers circa the early 90's. Made up of Kurt Cobain (deceased), Dave Grohl (toiling in Nickelbackiness... ugh), and that other dude (Chris Norberneznik? Chris Napavasilic? Chris Nern... who cares). Most famous for being the initiaters of the Seattle music scene craze (and the untimely and grisly death of their vocalist) with their smash hit 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'... A raucous, loud, lyrically incoherent 5 minutes - and it rocked. It rocked so hard they did a mash-up of it against Destiny's Child and it still sounded raw.

For a band that only really had 4 years in the spotlight... they have spawned quite the following even today. Teenagers who were barely alive when Nirvana was putting out new music are still wearing 'Nevermind' t-shirts (which those of us who were alive find annoying). I know you'll say 'but they released You know you're right in 2002!' To that I say 'You know you're right' was shiteous. Terrible. You know I'm right.

It is in this humble bloggers opinion, that Nirvana's body of work is largely overrated. The singles are catchy and angsty; however, as a complete body of work it is a completely inferior to say... Pearl Jam (and Mr. Veddar is WAY swoonier than Cobain and his poor hygiene vibe). Now let's all have a mass flannel burning ceremony.

Vacuum Cleaners: Much like their competition... VC's are raucous, loud, and make other people in the same room incoherent. The older models just really blow dust and dirt back up into the air, so really nothing is being cleaned. They are expensive (you get what you pay for), and clumsy (unless you get one of those slick European ones), much like Kurt Cobain's journals that were released in 2002 - right about when 'You Know you're right' was...hmm... Artistic Integrity or cash grab? You tell me.

If you are a smart person, you will switch over to hardwood asap. Brooms and swiffers really are more efficient. But alas, to date no one has come up with a better alternative for a quick carpet clean than your old, clunky, attatchment-missing VC.

Advantage: Vacuum Cleaners, cause they aren't obsolete... yet.