I've got a case of the Montueswednesdays

You guys know when you hit your late twenties... and you have a job... and you're done school... and you stop getting hammered Monday-Thursday.

I don't either.

Enter Tuesday Boozeday.

1 regular bottle of wine + 2 extra large bottles + a box of wine = the reason why I am staring at the wall in my office most of the day. Willing myself to stay awake.

The intention was not to get ridiculous - it was supposed to be a quiet night in playing Cranium with K-Jew, Dj Kever, and Glen - rock 3000; however, on my way over I received a text saying 'Bring wine'. Foreboding...

In addition to the big as* bottle of wine I brang everyone else seemed to have received a similar message. So Cranium started off as planned... but quickly disintegrated in favour of playing 90's jams, smoking on the balcony, singing Glee tunes at a very loud volume, and of course.... Dance Party USA.

I'd write more but I just received intel that our VP at work is cracking down on productivity levels... and though I WOULD consider this productive... I have a sneaking suspicion he would not agree.

Till next time.

Ummm... Amazing!

Okay my little 80's kidz... I know you're going to love this one!!!

Muppets... Queen... Headbanging... This is the bombiest.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgbNymZ7vqY

(watch for the 3 minute markish... Janice... my fave comes out then)

This one goes out to the one I love...

It's Christmas season... a time of giving... a time to reflect on one's life... so naturally I am thinking about the things/people that are important to me.

This is a post for a certain special someone who truly lights up my life. Every morning you greet me, bring a smile to my face, and set the tone for the rest of my day. This is priceless.

If you don't know who I am talking about by now (though I think it is fairly obvious)... This one goes out to my lover/friend/confidant... the breakfast sandwich. I just really need to let the world know that you are the one. I've flirted with the idea of committing to other edibles... Sushi was a passing fancy... Perogies - summer fun was all you were... Chili - well we had fun, but it was truly destructive (particularly after I left your prescence).

But oh my darling breakie sandz... I will never tire of you. I love the way look, smell, and taste. Your perfectly toasted buns, fluffy egg, cheese, and crispy bacon OR greasy sausage OR delectable ham - well you had me at hello my friend. You had me at hello.

If you feel the same way about me - meet me at the McDonalds in the underground on the corner of bay and richmond tomorrow at 9:15 am, I'll be the guy wearing a suit holding a bouquet of roses. Please make me the happiest man on Earth.

This is what I think of you: Adam Lambert

Dear Adam Lambert,

You are an american idol alum, gay icon, relatively wet behind the ears to the recording game, and an eyeliner connoiseur. I have some things to say to you.

Adam... I just finished watching your American Music Awards performance on youtube ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9fATzGwFJY ); I have mixed feelings. I read that there was some controversy about the overtly sexual stage choreography (see: smashing a dude's face into your crotch, grabbing one of your female back up dancers cooters, and facially assaulting your keyboardist... with your face?); however, this is not what made me feel awkward about your performance. Sexually explicit... go for it... I tend to like sexually explicit.

What made it so gawd awful was the singing. Don't get me wrong; you've got a helluva set of pipes on you. I like your voice. But the scream/sing thing you do in place of real lyrics - small doses my friend. The last minute of your stage show was painful... literally... it hurt my ears.

I watched the season of American Idol you were on. You should have won. That Kris dude was vanilla ice cream at best... pleasant enough but meh. You were inventive, cool, and sexy. You made that noise I have come to hate a few times - but it was refreshing after watching that crooked mouthed quaker warble his way through some predictable adult contemporary jam.

So... for me... and all those who possess the ability to hear (there are lots of us!)... tone it down a tad vocally... Also in the eye makeup dept... if you have some time... if it's not asking too much.

Malicious

Bad Romance Video

Hmmm... Amazing. This girl just continues to destroy the competition. Bringing theatrics back to music in a big way... A little bit of Bowie, a little bit of Mercury... Check it out

http://cache.umusic.com/web_assets/ladygaga/site/badromance/default.html

This or that: Britney Spears vs. Taquitos

Britney Spears

Britney Spears... there was once a time when I thought you could possibly pull off the whole 'Next Madonna' thing. You could dance, you were sexy, and that voice! I don't think anyone's voice has ever been digitally enhanced like yours. Go Technology! It all seemed destined to be - you would ascend to Stardom while Christina Aguilera was heading to Cyndi Lauperdom.

But here's the problem. You got fat. You married that guy... Kevin Federswine? Kalvin Freidermine? You married that other guy for like a day. Cooch shots. Shaved head. You served Chicken fingers at your wedding. Ouch. All of that pop cred you had built up was trashed.

Now you're back, and you're lookin aight, the music - it's not bad. One thing though - Her name is Lady Gaga. I'm not sure you'll ever have the right to call yourself the princess of pop again while LG is still alive. Don't get any Tonya Harding kinda ideas Brit - Tonya ended up on celebrity boxing. Which now I that I think about it - I can totally see you doing in a few years.

Musically - Although I like to think I am hip and cool and would pretend never to like anything you've done (as would a lot of other people I know... liars, all of you)... that would be a fabrication. Toxic was the shiz. If you seek amy... guiltily delicious. Crossroads? Well, you can't win em all Brit.

Taquitos

Ever been to the 7-11? I have. A lot. If you are a convenience store connoisseur there is no doubt you have come across a little delicacy called the 'Taquito'. They are on the metal rolly things right next to the hot dogs (never order the dogs dude... just get the street meat).

Taquitos are greasy, full of empty calories, and above all - Scrumptious. They come in a variety of flavours including Buffalo Chicken, Jalapeno Cream Cheese, Beef Taco... and more! Two for just over 2 bucks. What a steal!

These treats are especially handy in a situation like when you bring salad for lunch in an attempt to curb your gradual weight gain (you don't make friends with salad... btw), and then inevitably two hours later you are starving again... Down to the 7-11 for a snack time! This happened to me today. Also yesterday.

Advantage: Taquitos. Any snack with that much cheese is a staple my friends. While Brit - she's just cheesy.

This is what I think of you: Jason Bateman

Dear Jason Bateman,

You are an underrated actor with impeccable comedic timing. Your boyish charms are by no means smoldering - but extremely likable. I have some things to say to you.

J-Bate... Will you marry me? I don't know you personally; however, I feel like you are everything anyone would want in a partner. Your looks are above average - it's true, you might not be a say... Brad Pitt... but who wants Brad Pitt? Well, other than Mrs. Jolie. And Aniston. And millions of other women. BUT, my point is that dating Brad Pitt would be anything but sustainable. You are smart, and so very funny. Humour has to be the ultimate deal maker in a relationship. I think you could make me chuckle until we were both old and grey. But you'll die first cause I am younger. Unless the drinking and smoking catches up to me.

Arrested Development - in syndication - is STILL the funniest show on TV. I own all three seasons on DVD - and I am sure I have seen every episode about 50 times. Still not old. Mind you - this has as much to do with your co-stars. Why was it cancelled? Oh ya... stupid people weren't watching it. I am serious - if you did/do not watch this show - you are dumb. All good shows get cancelled early (see Veronica Mars with the equally winning Kristen Bell) - it's truly unfair that schlock like Grey's Anatomy (ugh - is anyone more annoying than Katherine Heigl... possibly Ellen Pompeo... although Sandra Oh happens to be quite charming) are still on and thriving. Before all you Grey's fans get all malignant on me - it's fuc*in ER with hotter people. I'm right. Right? If it wasn't on primetime and if you took away the high production quality it would be General Hospital.

But I digress. Jason... you toiled in obscurity for a while after your early days in Silver Spoons. But your re-emergence has been... well... quite wonderful. You are pretty much the best thing about any movie you're in. Couples Retreat. Check. Dodgeball. Check. Invention of Lying. Check. I could go on... but you get the picture.

I know you're already married... and totally not gay. But... well I just think we could be very happy. If you think so too... call me.

Malicious

Cyril Sneer was an aardvark? WTF?

I bit the bullet. I went out on a date. With a human being.

When I was asked about it by Garganeau this morning this is what I said verbatim - "I had the butter chicken, it was really good". Somehow I think there wasn't a love connection. I really think going for food on a first date is a bad idea for a few reasons. Firstly - so much can go wrong. Food in teeth, spills, talking with your mouth full, etc... Secondly - you are committing to an entire meal with this person. That can be as long as two hours! Two hours of awkward conversation, ugh. Sign me up! Lastly - The person you are going out with has to outshine the server, the other diners, and the food. Advantage - Butter Chicken.

Sorry potential suitor. You got served - Tandoori style.

For Halloween Garganeau and I dressed up as the racoons. Canadian animated series... Cyril Sneer... you know. The costumes came together well - and I thought it was a great idea. In retrospect - maybe we should have chosen something more immediately recognizable. And slutty. When you are a grown man dressed up as an animal - it's not attractive. Although, after explaining what we were to people who asked - they seemed amused.

I got trashed. I danced. I smoked. I downed shots. I got the hiccups. Badly. Have you ever gotten the drunk hiccups? They are indestructible. You can't beat them. Knife in a cup? Nope. Rub your ear lobes? Nada. Drink upside down? Doesn't work. My hiccups were so bad that everytime they occured I thought I was going to vomit. So I had to take my sad raccoon hiccuping a*s home early. But you can't pass out with all that crap on! So drunken shower time. Drunk showers are terrible. I have trouble standing still when drunk, add soap and water to the mix and I was a wet mess. I'm surprised I didn't smash my face off the faucet.