This is what I think of you: Jason Bateman

Dear Jason Bateman,

You are an underrated actor with impeccable comedic timing. Your boyish charms are by no means smoldering - but extremely likable. I have some things to say to you.

J-Bate... Will you marry me? I don't know you personally; however, I feel like you are everything anyone would want in a partner. Your looks are above average - it's true, you might not be a say... Brad Pitt... but who wants Brad Pitt? Well, other than Mrs. Jolie. And Aniston. And millions of other women. BUT, my point is that dating Brad Pitt would be anything but sustainable. You are smart, and so very funny. Humour has to be the ultimate deal maker in a relationship. I think you could make me chuckle until we were both old and grey. But you'll die first cause I am younger. Unless the drinking and smoking catches up to me.

Arrested Development - in syndication - is STILL the funniest show on TV. I own all three seasons on DVD - and I am sure I have seen every episode about 50 times. Still not old. Mind you - this has as much to do with your co-stars. Why was it cancelled? Oh ya... stupid people weren't watching it. I am serious - if you did/do not watch this show - you are dumb. All good shows get cancelled early (see Veronica Mars with the equally winning Kristen Bell) - it's truly unfair that schlock like Grey's Anatomy (ugh - is anyone more annoying than Katherine Heigl... possibly Ellen Pompeo... although Sandra Oh happens to be quite charming) are still on and thriving. Before all you Grey's fans get all malignant on me - it's fuc*in ER with hotter people. I'm right. Right? If it wasn't on primetime and if you took away the high production quality it would be General Hospital.

But I digress. Jason... you toiled in obscurity for a while after your early days in Silver Spoons. But your re-emergence has been... well... quite wonderful. You are pretty much the best thing about any movie you're in. Couples Retreat. Check. Dodgeball. Check. Invention of Lying. Check. I could go on... but you get the picture.

I know you're already married... and totally not gay. But... well I just think we could be very happy. If you think so too... call me.

Malicious