Crunk at Granny's place

Saturday September 19, 2009
7:35 am - Just got in from my night out

The sun is shining, the skies are clear, the birds are chirping, and I feel like death. I hope you're happy booze... you have claimed yet another one of my nights.

In an effort to explain how I got here let me break down the night... itinerary style.

5:30 pm - Garganeau comes over to get my suitcase for her trip to the land down under... leaves with suitcase, 3 movies, a dress (not mine... don't ask) and a book. Apparently hers is not big enough and she thinks she has claim to everything that is mine. She is loud the entire time that she is over and laments the hardships that will befall her on her trip. She is going to Australia... I am not. For this reason - I have trouble sympathizing. The only advice I gave her was to make sure she slept with at least one man while there - you really can't say you've been somewhere until you've done that.

6:00 pm - Tested new way to cook chicken breast (well, new to me). Seared breast on all side using a very hot pan and lots of butter (god's gift to your mouth), before seasoning and baking. The process was worth it - tasty and moist MEAT TALLY = 1

6:30 pm - Walked 10 city blocks in order to meet my sister and pick up her car. Listened to iPod the entire walk - had it on random (didn't matter cause everyone knows even though you have a million songs on the bloody thing you only listen to 10)

7:00pm - Went back to my place to pick up laundry, laptop, and toiletries bag for my trip to my parents place (where I now sit)

7:30 pm - After some phone tag, my plans have changed... I am now going into Leslieville for a bbq at Cpt. Pierce's house. I tried to resist but he told me I wouldn't even have to buy booze, he has a big bottle of Vodka we could share... Free booze and food - I am there.

8:00 pm - On my way I pick up my good friend and ex roommate Brett. He has two extremely thick steaks for us and an entire box of tandoori chicken skewers. We then make our way to Cpt. Pierce's house stopping on the way at the liquor store. Brett buys a big bottle of spiced rum and mickey of kahlua (which until tonight I thought only my mom drank).

8:45 pm - We arrive at the BBQ, exchange intros/pleasantries/zombie exit strategy theories (this is a staple conversation topics whenever Brett and I get together). Brett makes me this concoction that I cannot name now for the life of me but it goes something like this - 4 parts spiced rum, 1.5 parts kahlua, splash with coke for colour. It is sickeningly sweet, but goes down easy... too easy. After two more of those I somehow get nominated to work the grill (party is full of gay guys and girls... so in retrospect I was prolly the best choice).

9:45 pm - As I drunkenly try to light the bbq in the dark I almost set myself on fire. No real damage, just some singed arm hair... not to worry, plenty left. There are upwards of 10 people at this shindig and everyone has brought something to eat. I'm cooking burgers, shrimp (that I swore were lobsters), chicken, lamb, steak... all the while still drinking (we have moved to vodka water in an attempt to hydrate while maintaining my buzz).

10:45 pm - Finally done on the grill (this took so long because Brett insisted that the steaks needed to marinate longer... they were very tasty so I can't fault him) and I smell like a dream mix of cigs, booze, smoke and meat. I eat some of everything. Meat tally = 6 Now onto beer and rye and ginger (alternating for some reason)

11:00 pm - 2:00 am - Who knows... tequila shots

5:15 am - Wake up in strange bed. Get dressed and go downstairs to find party still going. Drink copious amounts of water, chew gum, listen to my friend JM's remix of Paparazzi by Lady Gaga (wicked awesome), and drive home.

7:30 am - Arrive at parents place and eat leftovers from last night... Pork Chops. Meat tally = 7

So now you know how that all went... and understand why my body fu*kin hates me right now. It thinks I just tried to kill it. The other point of interest to the night has to be the house Cpt. Pierce lives in. He is a twenty-something somewhat hip kinda guy, just finished his masters in something I will not bore you with. But he lives in a 3 bedroom house with a 50+ year old opera singer. The house looks like your grandma's might... old school wallpaper, framed pictures of people who you're sure are dead or on the verge of being, fake flowers, potpourri... ovaltine. HOWEVER... the piece de resistance... a glass bowl... with mother bleepin hard candy in it! AND it's all stuck together too! Just like granny used to have! Seriously I kept expecting to find a werthers originals in my back pocket (or a milkful).

Good. Night.