First things first - I apologize for the amount of time since my last post... this weekend has been a scandalous one indeed... which equals lots of sh*t to regale you with. Got your seat belts on? Good. This is going to be a long one (if I can actually remember it all). Here we go!
Thursday - We took my visiting cousin bowling... My sister, brother and I. I fuc*in loathe this sport. Sport? Is this a sport or a game? Clarification please. If fat people can excel at it I don't think it should be called a sport. Really I'm just bitter because I am completely inept at bowling. Which astounds me as I have a certain level of physical prowess at almost any activity I attempt... but for some reason I cannot roll a god forsaken ball down an aisle to knock over some pins. I can however flip backwards through the air multiple times on command... but rolling a ball, not so much. So after making an as* of myself - hurting my wrist in the process (why are these balls so heavy? How come my fingers don't fit in the lighter ones properly? I like the shoes though) - I finally take a moment to look around and examine my environment. We are bowling in Oshawa... I had been here before for a birthday (J-Dubz), but during that event I was nicely socially lubricated. Tonight, S-O-B-E-R. People who bowl are all of these things:
1. of questionable attractiveness (and I LOVE straight guys... to the point of losing almost all standards... even Mexicans sometimes... totally kidding... I would never)
2. of questionable moral fibre (tonight was 'ladies' night, which meant my sister got in for free and there were a crap load of drunk white girls - from Oshawa - grinding against anything that moved and some things that didn't to music by women of colour... also there was one East Indian family... Indians love bowling. Who knew?)
3. guys who bowl love GNR like I did when I was in Grade 7 (Use Your Illusion T-Shirts forever)
4. Big fans of button up shirts that depict samurais and Wolverine on them
5. Pregnant or soon to be
I could go on, but I think you all understand my feelings about bowling and those who partake in it. I have decided to give you my weekend update in parts... this was part one: Thursday. Stay tuned for Friday through Sunday!
Side note - My mom just phoned me and during the conversations called me a 'Pussy Head' - Thanks mom, ditto.
Leave the Mexicans out of this.
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